I’m in a Hurry (And Don’t Know Why)

It’s Sunday afternoon, and I’m writing this after having an entire weekend home alone all by myself! Yesterday, I honestly never left the house, and I spent the entire day in silence and solitude. Some of you may read that and think, “That sounds terrible!” Or, “How boring! “ Or “What did you do all day?” Or, one of my favorite questions, “Why?!” And, I can honestly say that if someone would have told me they did this at various stages of my life, I would have had a lot of the same comments and questions. 

When Jeff decided, last minute, to take our three kids to the cabin for the weekend, my initial response was honestly a heart of gratitude and a sigh of relief. I was excited for them to go, and I didn’t spend any time or energy talking them OR myself into them doing something else. I also had no desire to go with them. My reaction and those feelings caught me off guard! And, I initially felt bad about that. Why wouldn’t I want to go with my family? With the people that I love and care about the most? Why was I so excited to have an entire weekend to myself? In an empty home with absolutely no plans? Why didn’t I care that I would be missing out on some potentially fun and memorable times at the cabin? A place that I love, full of people that I love… 

You know why? Because the one who loves me more than I am capable of loving myself or loving others, desperately wanted to hang out with me. My Heavenly Father saw that I was overwhelmed, overstimulated, tired, distracted, and discouraged. He knew that my heart was growing weary and that I desperately needed time to rest in his presence. He saw that the desires and dreams that he had put on my heart were growing dim and feeling either further away or more difficult to get to. He noticed that my focus was blurry, and my mind cluttered. So, he met me in the silence and in the solitude. And, what he revealed to me is what I want to share with those of you who read this. To help you. To encourage you. To lead you to a path of peace. And, to document for me to look back on when I need to be reminded of it again someday! 

I must point out, that what I thought I needed and was going to do this weekend was much different than what came to be. I had plans to clean and organize every crevice of my house while blasting some good music, going for a walk and listening to a podcast, treating myself to Caribou or a coffee date somewhere, potentially running some errands, or watching a good movie. As the weekend unfolded, I did NONE of those things. I thought about them, but as soon as I started to move towards doing one of them, it’s like I was paralyzed. At first, this was frustrating to me and hard for me to understand. My mind was telling me, “I have this entire weekend to myself, I must make the most out of it!” But, then almost as quickly as those thoughts and feelings came, my heart spoke louder saying, “You aren’t going to make the most of it by doing more, what you need is more space and more of me.” 

So, I started pondering that thought of my heart. More space. Okay. Yeah, I like that. I don’t like when things are overcrowded. I don’t like feeling confined or when people are constantly “in my bubble.” I like when things are decluttered, easily accessible, and clean. I also appreciate time to myself sometimes. And, the ability to think clearly, and to focus on one thing at a time, and to focus well. And, as I started pondering all of these things, I came to the realization that they were all deep desires of my heart that I currently was not experiencing. And, I asked myself my favorite question, “Why?” 

What I discovered is that I’ve been living distracted. Which led me to feel discouragement and, honestly, caused me to doubt sometimes. To doubt myself, others, AND God. The Lord has blessed me abundantly, but I’ve been living way too distracted and too busy, to experience this abundance. What if that is what we’re all doing, but we’re too busy living according to the world’s standards to even realize it? 

I fell into that trap, and I firmly believe many others are too. And, when I call it a trap, I mean “a trap.” When I think of a trap, I think of traps that are used to catch an animal. And from what I know about those traps, something good or enticing is used to lure the animal into the trap. That is what the world does to us. We are usually aware or wise enough to say no to the things that we know are bad. Or aren’t appealing to us. It’s the good or appealing things, that we have a hard time saying “no” to. Or, at least I do. If someone needs help with something, I want to be the one to help them. If someone is having a bad day, I want to be the one to make it brighter. If there is a problem, I want to be the one to help fix it. If there is a fun opportunity, I don’t want to miss it. 

It is also hard to say no to things that we don’t know are bad for us. The things that look good. The world says more is better, and fast is more efficient. The world says multi-tasking and being busy is better. The more you have, the more successful you are. The more you do, the better you are. The more you’re involved in, the more opportunity you’ll have. But, is more always better? And, what benefit is there from doing or complying to what the world says?

I think those are both questions that everyone should really take time to think about. I know I did. And, I will continue to think about them often. Now, did I get some things done this weekend? I did! But, what I’ve come to realize is that it wasn’t what I got done this weekend, rather what I’ve desired to get done and haven’t been able to do because of the busyness. Because of the noise and distractions and my inability to say no to other things. Some menial things worth mentioning…I have a Tupperware cupboard, as many of you probably do. Well, every time I’d open my Tupperware cupboard, at least one piece of Tupperware would fall out. Or, I could never find the matching lid! This Tupperware cupboard has been my worst enemy for months upon months. A reason to put me in a bad mood, or to prevent me from putting dishes away. This weekend, I was able to clean it out, to purge unused, to move it elsewhere and to organize it. Along with the rest of my kitchen. What that did for my mind, heart and soul is embarrassing, yet amazing! I was also able to have a home cooked meal simmering all day and ready for my family when they got home. When I can do that, it fills my heart with joy. And, extra joy this time because I did it without having to spend extra time cleaning something up that had boiled over or was burnt to the pan! 

Now, these seem like menial tasks. That they shouldn’t require much skill or mental energy or motivation to get done. But, when life is too full, too crowded, too busy, complicated or noisy, we don’t have the space to do them well or sometimes to do them at all. And that is where I was at. As I was thinking about this blog post and all that the Lord was showing me this weekend, a song randomly came to my mind. I used to listen to a lot of country music, but honestly haven’t for awhile. So, I know this song was put on my heart for such a time as this. The song is by Alabama and it is called “I’m in a Hurry (And Don’t Know Why) and the lyrics of the chorus say this: 

I’m in a hurry to get things done

Ohh I rush and rush until life’s no fun

All I really gotta do is live and die

But I’m in a hurry and don’t know why? 

I’ve heard this song so many times, but as I listen to it today it honestly makes me want to cry. Tears of sadness thinking about this gift of life that so many of us are rushing through, missing all that the Lord wants us to experience along the way. And, tears of gratitude and joy for the revelation of a new way, a better way that we can choose to live.

Isn’t it crazy to think that, simply put, that is what we’re here to do? To live and to die? The thought of that is not one many like to think about. For many reasons. 

One, it reminds us of our mortality, of how we are inevitably going to die someday. And that scares us.

Two, the thought of it is too simple. There has to be more to life than just living and dying. There must be a purpose behind all of it. 

Three, no one in our culture talks about it, unless they are forced to or are facing it head on. 

But, you know what? If we can press into all of those reasons that we don’t like to think about it, we can truly learn to embrace living and dying! 

And that, my friends, is why I believe the Lord has birthed The Upper Room. He wants to give us space to experience who he is, who we are, and what our purpose is. He wants to take away our fear of death, so that we can fully live. And fully living, means fully dying; to ourselves and to the ways of this world. He’s inviting us to experience heaven on earth, but to do so we need to slow down, say no, and sit in his presence. And, before I could encourage others to do so, he needed me to do so first.

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, You are worried and upset about about many things, but few things are needed- or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken from her.”

-Luke 10:41

“Come to me all who are weary, and I will give you rest.”

-Mathew 11:28-30